Zombies vs Plants

A few months ago, after finishing an episode of The Walking Dead, Chris was talking all big and manly about how if the zombie apocalypse actually happened he would totally dominate and be King of the Survivors.

“Chris, you do realize if the zombie apocalypse ACTUALLY happened right this minute, we have no food stored up, no water, no access to guns, no first aid stores and no knowledge of local hunting/gathering. We defintiely wouldn't survive.”

Cue pensive silence.

I was initially joking… but for real, we have little to no emergency supplies. (Heads up to all you neighbors keeping tabs on who to raid when the apocalypse goes down, save your precious time and just move past our house. It's not worth it.)

Emergency preparedness just always seemed like a boring adult thing to worry about. Apparently though, we are technically grown up. And we want to survive the zombies dang it! It suddenly seems a little less boring!

Bahaha Mormon joke!

So over the past year we've been trying to work on getting more prepared for emergencies.

Norway seems to be both a great place and awful place to weather a zombie apocalypse. For one thing, it's cold, so that would slow down the zombies. It's also rather sparsly populated. Less zombies to fight off. On the other hand, it's really hard to grow food here (just ask the vikings. It was way easier to just pillage and plunder). So I took that as a challenge this summer and planted a Zombie Survival Garden on our balcony patio.

Ta Da!
I am definitely a dummy when it comes to green things, so I used Vegetable Gardening for Dummies as my garden sensei. I filled my brain with seed starters, harvesting times, succession crops, watering schedules and dreams of garden-fresh salads and home-grown stuffed peppers. Since the summers here don't get that warm, I tried to focus on cold-weather, spring/fall crops.
 
The successes:
Radishes
We got a TON of radishes! If you are ever in an apocalypse scenario, plant radishes. They grow like nobody's business!

Peas

Just be sure to stake them with stakes taller than 3 feet. They grow reeeallly long. Who knew?
Carrots
I managed to get a few carrots (I planted a rainbow variety, which was awesome!) They grew a bit short and stubby unfortunately though. I'm thinking it was because the containers weren't deep enough?
Kale
It took forever to grow big enough to eat, but once it grew it was awesome! We tried making kale chips for the first time. I think I'm a fan!
Lettuce
It was so cool to think, “Hmm… I wish I had a salad to go with dinner. Oh wait! I'll just go pick one from the balcony!”
 
Not successes:
Peppers
Unfortunately it was just too cold for my little pepper seedlings. They tried their little hardest though!
Beets
They grew, but they were little bitty beets. I'm not sure what went wrong there.
Broccoli
Since broccoli is a cold-weather crop, I figured it would be a shoe-in. Unfortunately, each plant only produced one tiny bite of broccoli. And then those little bits bloomed into yellow flowers overnight. I suspect I planted the broccoli too early in the season.
Broccoli flowers! Who knew?
 
Things we learned about container gardening in Stavanger:
  • Pay attention to timing in the season. Some plants really do grow better in cold weather and others in warm.
  • Vegetables need more sun than you think they do.
  • Don't overcrowd your patio pots. The seedlings look small when you plant them, but they grow fast and you won't get big harvests if your plants are too crowded.

All-in-all, we probably only grew enough produce for us to survive a week, but I'd say it was a pretty successful first attempt. I'm not saying we're ready to survive any apocalypses in the near future, but at least if it happened tomorrow, we know we could survive on radishes!

 

Category: Daily life, Food  Tags: , ,
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  1. […] I mention we grew a lot of radishes this summer in our Zombie Garden? Because we grew A LOT of […]

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